Since my last post, things have still been less than ideal in the Brownlee house.  The kids continued with colds and low fevers that week of Valentine's Day and then things got worse (more on that in a minute).  In the meantime, Mr. Baron got his first hair cut!  A little sad, I know.  He didn't have much that needed trimming just some flyaways that were giving him wings behind his ears.  He watched big brother go first and his Nana did the trimming, so he, thankfully, sat fairly still and didn't even cry.  He did great!

And here's the finished product!

I feel like once they get those first hair cuts they aren't babies anymore, but big boys.  Doesn't he look big there?? A toddler more than a baby.  Man, I don't like to think of him as more than my baby yet!  Handsome though I think.  And here's big brother so not to be left out...

We're still not sure where those curls came from:)  So, I found out on Sunday the 19th that my dear Papaw Hocker passed away in the wee hours of the morning.  This was something I knew was coming but no less heartbreaking and tragic to hear.  Sunday night, Austin and I bought plane tickets for me and the boys to head to KY for the service.  Our flight was scheduled to leave at 6am Wednesday morning, catch a connecting flight in Atlanta, land in Louisville at 9:45am, then be back to Mom and Dad's just in time to change clothes and make it to the 1pm funeral service.  Crazy!!  I just prayed and prayed everything would work out.  I didn't know how many ways I'd be challenged last week.  Monday night after dinner, Westen broke out in hives.  The doctor confirmed Tuesday he had an allergic reaction, so we were still set to head for KY.  He said they may last for a couple days, so I wasn't prepared to see them covering his face Wednesday morning (they weren't there the day before) and last a nice long 5 days.  Ugghh!  Bless his heart, I felt so bad for him.  Really though, during the day he was a champ - hardly complaining.  It was at night that they bothered him most which resulted in restless sleeping for him and I both. He'd wake up scratching constantly.  I couldn't stand it for him.  And I've decided if it happens again we'll be getting an allergy test done.  We don't know what the reaction was to.  

Moving on...we did end up making it to the funeral on time.  Thanks, Bub, for picking us up from the airport.  Seeing Papaw that day hit my like a ton of bricks.  The last 2 times I've been home and saw him, he was having "good" days both times, so I never once saw him being less than his sweet God loving self - greeting me with a warm smile and big hug that is a comfort I've known from him my whole life.  His funeral service is one I'll never forget.  It was so spirit filled and although a sad time for all of us left behind here on earth, there was no shadow of a doubt in anyone's mind where this wonderful man now stood - right next to Jesus, I imagine.  This man truly might have been an angel here on earth by the amount of lives he touched and witnessed God's Word to.  I can only imagine his mansion being right there next to the greatest of Godly men.  I miss him and am thankful that he was in my life and my family's lives.  And I hope he didn't mind being my Papaw too;)

We did stay a few days in KY so the kids and I got to spend some quality time with the fam.  Baron enjoyed napping on Mamaw...

And with Papaw...

Surprisingly, the weather wasn't terribly cold up there which is nice for us Floridians especially since there was no snow.  The cold is easier to tolerate when there's snow to play in (at least when you're only visiting:)  Anyway, the boys were SO excited to get to take a ride on Papaw's lawn mower - a favorite past time for them.  They waited patiently in anticipation while Papaw got it out...

They each took a couple turns riding just sitting in Papaw's lap.  They seriously LOVE this. Baron actually cries when I take him off...

Forgive me for not taking more pictures.  I was kind of sporadic with the camera remembering sometimes but not a lot. One of the times I didn't remember the camera was the day they spent with Mamaw at the mall where they road the train with her and some other rides, got cookies, and even new shoes (how did I not take a picture of the cool new light up shoes? - terrible).  They LOVE their Mamaw and she loves them too:)  

We headed down to Mamaw Janie's Sunday night to see her again before we left.  Baby Jael happened to be there and Mr. Baron got his first kiss...

Mr. Cool wearing sunglasses all night...don't know what that was about but it was funny!  And he does have good taste, doesn't he!  Jael is so sweet and we were so happy to see her again (perhaps some of us more than others:).  I also didn't get pictures of most of the Ison's but we did get to see Aunt Na Na and the girls everyday and we saw Uncle Daniel and his girls too quite a bit.  They are all getting so big and they just love on my boys so much!  We miss them all so much when we're home, but I think my boys would be completely ruined, or should I say rearnt, if we lived there!  We did get a picture of one of the Ison's.  I took the boys up to Uncle Dan's tractor shop so they could take some rides with him too...

Uncle Dan took them off-road, on-road, up hills, down hills, and everywhere in between.  Of course, they LOVED this too!  Cool to have an uncle who owns a tractor shop:)

Last, but not least, I wanted to mention sweet Ryan.  His year has started pretty rough so far so your prayers are welcomed for this little fella.  I was so happy that Mom offered to keep the boys one day so I could spend a little one on one with Ryan.  I took him to see Joyful Noise with Dolly Parton and Queen Latifa - his favorite.  He loved the movie, but after spending some time with him this past week it was clear to me that he's still not well.  I won't get into all the details, but I pray that his little body will start healing soon and that he's on the mend.  That being said, he wasn't too ill to cuddle Baron while Baron drank his milk...

We returned last night and have some catching up to do.  I think my boys are finally feeling well - hives and fevers are gone so that's good.  Hope you have a great week!

Did you think we fell off the face of the earth???  We didn't and I know most of you from up home probably have a good idea as to why there's been a lack of posts the past couple months, but for any who don't, or if you just want to hear about it...keep reading.

That picture was taken on Wednesday, November 2nd.  It was the night of our church's Harvest Fest mentioned here.  Can you see anything in my face that gives something away??  I can't, but my heart was in turmoil that night.  But let's back track.  I found out I was pregnant on September 18th...mine and Austin's 7 year wedding anniversary.  While we were both shocked (I didn't even tell Austin for a couple days because I knew of the stress that would ensue for him), we were thrilled.  We had talked about having another baby, but hadn't been quite planning for it yet.  We waited a few weeks to tell you-all our friends and family.  I had been to see the doctor just once and had my mind right for next summer to be chaotic with a 3 yr. old, 19 month old, and a newborn.  Call us crazy (most of you did anyway:).  Anyway, on November 2nd I went in for my second appointment with the doctor where I was scheduled for my first ultrasound.  I must mention that I had spotted a couple days prior to this, but felt it was no indication of complication.  I did the same thing with my sweet healthy Baron.  That is why on that Wednesday, Austin and I were completely and utterly shocked to find that no heartbeat was to be heard nor was a baby-like image to be seen.  My first immediate feeling was simply - LOSS.  And yes, I was only 10 weeks in, but you moms know the instant connection you feel with your baby when you realize you're pregnant.  Every part of your being is aware of it.  With every move you make, every food you put in your mouth, etc., that baby is on your mind because you are already taking care of it. Your heart immediately makes room for another child to love.  Can I get an Amen?? So, yes, loss is what I felt.  We talked to the doctor afterwards and although he held out hope that I had just mixed my dates up and was really only 6 weeks into pregnancy (thus the potential reason for not hearing a heartbeat and also what I was measuring at) instead of 10 weeks.  But I knew in my heart of hearts that this wasn't the case.  I knew that I was accurate in the dates I told him and that I was in fact pregnant when I thought I was.  After a couple days of blood tests later, it was confirmed that a miscarriage was in my future.  I spent that weekend waiting for SOMETHING...anything to happen.  I can only describe it as misery.  I spare you the gory details, but I had that baby (miscarried) the following Tuesday, nearly a week after the ultrasound.  If the waiting was misery, the miscarriage was torture.  For all of you whom I know that have experienced this...I'm sorry.  The compassion I feel now is so sincere for you all.  I have not one pleasant thing to say about it.  It was physically and mentally more difficult than I ever had imagined.  Thankfully, my sweet husband took the day off work and took care of our boys which I was unable to do.  I could barely take care of myself so he had to help with that too.  And I can't speak for Austin, but it was not easy for him in a different way. He stayed home and watched something that no man would ever want to watch their wife go through.  And neither of us could do a thing about it.  Anyway, two things got me through the day.  One - I knew since the day had come, the end of, at least, the physical experience was nearly over.  No more waiting.  That would let me move forward mentally.  And two - I knew God was in control.  I don't know why this happened, but I knew that it was true and perfect in God's eyes, thus it must be in mine, as well.  That evening Austin called his mom to see if she could come stay with me the next day because I feared I wouldn't be able to care for my kids again.  And she did.  She basically dropped everything, rearranged her whole day, and came to my aid.  Thank you, Mauveen.  I'm forever grateful.  Austin took off work again on Thursday, and my sweet mom flew in that night intending to spend a week with me while I tried to recover physically and emotionally.  Our family is so blessed to have people that love us and will sacrifice for us during an emergency like this.  My mom ended up extending her stay and stayed nearly 2 weeks with me.  Thank you, Mom.  Although I never would've asked you to drop everything and buy plane tickets to be here, I realize now what you must have known all along...that I'd never have made it without you.  And Ryan for that matter... who is so sweet to my boys.  I'll never forget it.  And since my mom has left, it has been a little difficult to put one foot in front of the other again, but I am and I'm better each day.  The event itself is still a little fresh in mind so I'll be glad when there's some distance between the present and then.  But most importantly...I am at peace about it. A dear friend texted me this scripture reference during this trying time - 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10.  I immediately looked it up on my phone.  It reads, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  I bookmarked this on my phone and have went back to it several times since.  Thanks, Krystie.  It stays in my mind right now.  When I'm feeling weak or vulnerable about what has happened, I remember that it is during this time that I am strongest thru Him.

I really love this time of year and have Christmas to look forward to.  Westen being almost 3 it is sure to be fun.  So that has helped too.  Anyway, yesterday I took the boys outside to play...

As I watched my boys go around "Becca's Circle" I felt such joy and love for them.  It was cool outside (my favorite), they were having fun, and I was having fun watching them.  Those feelings were soon replaced by guilt.  Why?  Because I think while I've been mourning the loss of one child, I haven't been thanking God for the other two who are both healthy and well.  I love these boys...

And I do thank God for them.  They are precious and dear to my heart and soul.

I suppose I've rattled enough.  And I do hope to be getting back to a little normalcy posting updates.  I haven't been taking hardly any pictures lately, so I need to get back on it.  I'll leave you with 2 final sweet pictures.  Have a great weekend!